In lieu of flowers: Meaning and what to send

“In lieu of flowers” means “instead of flowers.” In a memorial notice, it usually asks you to follow the family’s suggested alternative, often a charitable donation.

Read the full request before choosing what to send. If the family names a charity or provides a donation link, follow those instructions.

A quick checklist

1. Read the family’s request. Check the memorial notice for the charity, link, or other gesture they have asked for.
2. Follow the named charity or donation link. If the instructions are unclear, ask before choosing another organization.
3. Add the dedication. Use the name of the person being remembered and check any acknowledgment details.
4. Send a brief acknowledgment. Let the family know you remembered their loved one, without making them feel they need to reply.

Why families ask for donations instead

It carries their loved one forward.

A donation lets a person's values keep doing good. A lifelong reader might be remembered through a literacy program. An animal lover might be remembered through the shelter where they volunteered.

It lasts.

Flowers are beautiful, but they fade within days of the service. A gift to a cause keeps working long after, and so does the meaning behind it.

It lightens a practical load.

Grieving families may receive more arrangements than they have room for or the energy to manage. A donation expresses the same love without adding to what they need to manage.

How to honor the request

Give to the organization they named.

If the family lists one charity, give there. If they list several, choose whichever feels most meaningful to you.

If no charity is named, choose one connected to the person.

Think about what they loved, what they stood for, or who cared for them at the end of their life. A cause in their own community can be an especially thoughtful choice.

For help with the dedication and recipient details, read our guide to making a donation in someone’s name. Follow the family’s instructions when choosing where to give.

Give what feels right.

There's no expected amount. What matters to the family is that their loved one was remembered, not the size of the gift.

Let the family know.

A donation made quietly can go unseen. A short note telling the family you gave in their loved one's name can bring real comfort. That's especially true in the weeks after the service, when the cards and calls begin to slow.

What to write in your message

Keep it simple and sincere. A few examples:

• In loving memory of [Name]. Thinking of you and your family.
• [Name] made the world kinder. I made this gift so that kindness can keep going.
• With deepest sympathy, and gratitude for the time we had with [Name].
• I don't have the right words, but I wanted to do something in [Name]'s honor.

If you have a favorite memory, add it. A single specific detail often means more than anything else you could say.

Is it ever okay to send flowers anyway?

The kindest choice is to follow the family's wishes. If you'd like to do more than a donation, pair it with something personal instead, like a personal note or a meal dropped off a few weeks later. These often mean more than another arrangement at the service.

When to send it

Most people give in the days around the funeral or memorial service. But grief doesn't end when the service does. A gift on the first anniversary, a birthday, or the first holiday without them can quietly remind the family that their loved one hasn't been forgotten, at a moment when they may need it most.

A gentle way to give in memory

GivingPals was created for moments like these. Choose a memorial or sympathy occasion, select a digital card and write a personal message, then choose the charity. At checkout, set the donation amount and send the card now or schedule it for a meaningful date.

The family receives something they can open and keep. The cause receives your support. And their loved one's memory continues to do good in the world.

Follow any charity or donation link the family has specified. When GivingPals fits their wishes, explore memorial donation gifts, select and personalize a card for their loved ones, then choose the charity and complete your gift.